Who am I?

Who have I become? I don't know myself anymore. I'm doing things I told myself I would never do, I'm lying, betraying the trust of those who matter most, and saying screw the world because I don't care what everyone thinks. I hurt. I hurt others, I hurt myself. Trying to figure out who I am these days has really made a few questions pop up: Am I the friend I thought I was, helpful, forgiving, trusting, always there when needed most? Am I just another girl or could something, someone, amazing finaly happen to me? Do I deserve the love of a best friend, or anyone? I want to be good. I want to be everything to everyone, but I think thats how I got into this position. Should I be the one there for everyone, or look out for number one? I don't have any regrets about what I have done, besides the fact that I did hurt the one who has been and hopefully always will be there for me. My best friend means the world to me and without her I don't know where I would be. Probably a total loaner bitch. But we'll never know. I hope this is a minor speed bump on the road of life, but I just want to get in the fast lane and see how this all shakes out. I know what I did was wrong, and I am deeply sorry to all of those involved. My heart is being pulled in so many directions, but I guess thats what happens when the heart and the brain enter the three legged race to the finish; tripping and stumbling along the way but in reality, they will both get there at the same time. And when my heart and my brain are both in the same place at the same time, I believe thats when I will be truly happy. I know what I want. I want my best friend to love me, I want to be loved, and I want to love myself again because I can't stand knowing that I have changed to become the exact type of person that I resent. It isn't me, and I hope when everything is said and done, I will not only be happy but those that I care about will still be around and love me for who I am and the mistakes I have made.